Can't sleep, I have been waiting forever for him to come back. Each day gets harder and harder knowing the longer he is gone the more likely he is to be wiht someone else. All the crying during the day and sleeping all curled up wiht his picrture wrapped in my arms. The nervouse break donws each and every day. The heartache that you get that is makign you sicker then the worse case of the flu. Sittign there washign the dishes then looking out at the sunrise/sunset and nto seeing his figure walkign twords me. It kills me how I cannot over come this. The smell of his skin lingeres on me like the smell of humna flesh touchign a mother birds egg. Charlie is doing her very best to keep my mind off of him and on other things. But I'm sorry to say but, it's just not enough for me. Nothign could ever replace Peter...I wake up screamign after seeign him in my dreams from the pain of just seeing his face. His face will pop up in my head like nothign else. But when I reach out to touch his face, he disapears leavign me crushed and bruised. I never knew how much love could hurt. "Honey, stop thinking abotu him. If he comes back, you know he loves you. If he doesn't well..." I turned my head to look at Charlie, btu she was all blury from the tears begining to form in my eyes. She shook her head and went off to clean her room some more. I look at my reflection in the plate and saw how ruffed up I looked. "I need to be stronger." I repeated to myself so that maybe the pain would go away. But it onyl made it worse. Soon it got so painful I threw the plate at the wall and screamed his name until Charlie cam running into the room and wrapped her arms around me and tried to comfort me or at least egt me to stop screaming by saying. "It's okay sugar, you'll be alright. Just shut your eyes and calm donw." I stopped and looked at her. "Charlie, he isn't comign back is he???" She looked at me and tried to think of something. Then looked at teh floor for a while. When our eyes met she said, "No darlin, I'm afraid he isn't." After that I shook from head to toe.

                               MONTH 2                                

Now, it is painful to walk or to even speak. I wonder alot, will he coem back??? Has he already foudn another woman??? Charlie always could tell what I was thinking about, btu she never spoke to me about it. Only gave me a sad look as if to say, "Darlin, please stop it." One night I caught myself hugging myself thinking it was him. It feels like it has been years since I have seen him. And waiting, I have to wait every day, all day and wonder. Where is he now??? I have stopped the crying btu I still hurt.

                                YEAR   1                                 

"Hey Charlie, how long has it been since we have seen that boy???" Charlie looked around for a moment in hesitation and said to me. "Darlin, you musn't worry about it okay???" I gave her a sharp look and shot back. "No, how long." "A year doll. He' gone. He's never comign back. He foudn someone else." I coudl tell it killed her to say that but, she did what she had to do. But, shockignly I had no tears to cry out. No sad feeling came upon me after that. All I felt was emptiness and shame. I knew now, all thsi time. I had been dreaming. I never had love, not even wiht...Peter. It has been so long since I have said that name. The ony thing was, I coudln't forget him because. I simply didn't want to. Charlie knew it as well as I did. I walked out of the lair and ran to our old home. The cave...it was dusty and filled with spiders. I pointed my finger and yelled. "Leave." And it was clean agian. Infact, it was exactly the way Peter and I had left it. Every thign was in it's place. Even Peter's things. I closed ym eyes knowing I couldn't let myself cry. But just teh thought of him leaving me the way he did haunted me. I coudn't help btu feelign sick when I pictured him wiht another girl. "We had so much. And he just left." "Wel, doll. That is the bad part of beign one of us. But you can always change you know." I ran to where Peter use to sleep and lied down. Then I found, his class ring. I slipped it on and screamed his name. Then it hit me, he is gone. He doesn't love me. He never did Phoebe. He is never comign back. He loves her, and not you so suck it up and deal with it. I hated to tell myself that but, we all knew it was true. My mother had always told me that I had to face the truth, and that I was always the worst at doign it. But now, I've got to admit. "Peter, does nto love Phoebe Ann Nickles. He has found another girl tha he loves. He never loved you Phoebe. And he never will." I told myself out loud. Charlie saw me and left at once knowing that I needed to be alone. But when he walked away I counted the steps that he took. He was the oynl one that I had ever loved...And now, he loved another girl