Kyle had always trust me, I was like a little ister to him. But a few months after he knew Gaven and I were together, he kept a closer eye on me. Asking me weird questions about my past, writting down anything I shouldn't have done when I was younger. Kyle was one of the boys that would walk around school talking about having twenty girlfreinds, he only had one. My older brother especially disliked Kyle. Kyle would copy his answers in math, and moan during every sentence... My two youngest brothers, Madison, who was seven years younger then me, and Ragin, who was ten years younger then me and the youngest of the family. Dean was our oldest brother, he doesn't live with us anymore. They took him away to see if our family could live without him. I have contact with Dean, but only once a month at the most. I get to call him for about fifteen minutes, then they cut the phone line off. My mother and younger brothers miss Dean, but I don't. I don't miss him because I know he's going to come back for us some day.

I took a deep breath and slowly unravled myself from the ball position I was in and stood up. My mother placed her hands on my shoulders and gave me a hug. "I'm so sorry Madlene." She pulled me tight to her chest and wrapped her arms around me. I didn't hug her back, I just waited for her to let me go and return to her room with my brothers. My mother finally realized I wasn't going to hug back and she went to her room. I sat down in the old chair and covered my face in my hands. I heard little foot steps comign up the hallway, I quickly looked up and saw Ragin making his way down the hallway. He had one hand covering his mouth and blood running down his chin. "I got a nose-bleed Maddie." I smiled and took his hand as he walked to the kitchen. "Let me see it." He took away his hand and looked up at the sky, we didn't know exactly why Ragin had always done this but it always seems to realx him.

I wet a cloth and held it to his nose until it stops bleeding. Ragin kissed me on the cheek and ran back to his room with mother and Madison. I heard all of them talking in the room, I didn't know what about, and I didn't honestly care either. I was never really concerned, or even interested for that matter to ever take step in that room. I didn't know what was in there, or what it looked like. All I knew, i that's where Ferrise use to live. Before he died that is, Ferris would be my oldest brother. Even older then Dean. I always looked at Dean as a substitue for Ferris. This May, Ferris would have been twenty two years old. Mom told me what had happened to my father and him. They were found hunting on someone's property, and they were shot to death. Ferris was only eleven at the time he died.

I have always hated my father for being so stupid as to send young Ferris out there, even though he knew they would be shot to death if they hunted there. I was young when it happened, but not too young to forget about him. Sometimes, my mother would call Dean, Ferris. Dean has told me about Ferris and his old adventures. Dean was only six when Ferris died, he was also there to see it happen. He told me dad sent Ferris into the field and then watched him get shot to death, and after a few momments of standing there, my father stood up and started to walk away. Dean knew better then to stand up, he wold get shot to death too. He told me he yelled for dad, but the gun had already gone off before dad had a chance to turn around.

I hated my father for this, I especially hated him for planning to take me with him that day as well. I felt my eyes fill up, but I didn't cry. I haven't cried since I was four and heard that my father had killed my oldest brother. Now, I hide every emotion. Crying is a sign of weakness, I think that's why my mother locks herself and the boys in that bedroom all day long. She can't hide her emotions like I can.